do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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