I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
