I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
