the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
