If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
