i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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