He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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