Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
