next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
