i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
