I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
