so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
