um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
