Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
