I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
