He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
