oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
