I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
