operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Two words: nipple clamps
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