The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
