I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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