I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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