I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
