like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
