so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
