Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
