Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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