You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
