I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
