We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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