this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
