The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
