Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
should my penis look like a turkey
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
