what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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