I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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