I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
