hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
