So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
