garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
