8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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