when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
