New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
