I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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