Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
