My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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