My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
