This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
