Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
