but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
