so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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