This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
