I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
