ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
