I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
