So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
