my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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