lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
