thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
