these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
