last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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